Most people my age are always looking for someone to get involved with.
Love is amazing, and makes life worthwhile. Without it, what would we have? Love is everything.
But what people don’t realize is that you have to love yourself before you can fully love another. Everyone is running around like a chicken with their fucking head cut off, trying so hard to no longer be “forever alone.”
I hate these over used, stupid ass phrases, by the way. They’re ridiculous.
…and we are always “forever alone” regardless of whether or not we are involved with another. Just sayin’.
I feel as though people want so badly to be involved with someone to fill a void within. To have someone to make us feel better about ourselves, and care. To be loved for what we are.
We need to learn that this is something we need to do on our own.
For the longest time, I would fantasize about the day true love would become a reality, and complete me. I always had this empty feeling, and never knew why. Love is the only thing that made sense to me.
I never experienced it at the time, but would see it all around me. I’d lose myself in good film, music, books.. and just sit in this overwhelming pool of excitement, waiting for the day it’d finally be mine…
and then I fell in love. It was beautiful, real, and emotional. It consumed me.
But something was still missing.
I wasn’t ready to settle down. Is this really it? All there is?
That pit inside of me, although smaller, still ached.
Two years in, I began to feel something I didn’t understand. A longing for something.
Something just wasn’t right…It’s like I knew that it was coming, and for so long I would just push the feeling away. I didn’t want to deal with it.
But it was growing with time, to the point where ignoring it was no longer an option.
Then I finally understood:
I needed to be alone.
The relationship eventually ended. Not because it wasn’t true, but because I realized I’m not fully ready to love another, because of all the things I needed to take care of, and learn on my own.
I needed to learn how to stand on my own.
I needed to learn to love myself.
To love life outside of him.
Ironically, loving him is what brought me this understanding.
It changed me, and made me want to be better. Become something more. Strive to understand my flaws, and express them in positive, healthy ways.
And the way I went about relationships was not healthy. That person became my whole world.
All I cared about, thought about, and this by choice.
I think once I’m in a place where I am able to stand on my own, and have things I love outside of a relationship, I will be ready.
But oh, was I so lucky to have fallen for the person I did.
It hurts because I appreciate him more than words. Who he is, and what he has done for me. It was something patient, and understanding. He always had my best interests at heart. Always cared and stuck around despite my confusion with myself.
He is the most beautiful person I have met.
I wanted to keep him forever, but we don’t always get what we want. Since what we had was different, it just proved to be too much, without the title. At least for him.
I am totally complicated, guys. So I don’t blame him.
I miss you. A part of me will always love you.
And that’s true love. It sticks with you throughout the rest of your life.
So everyone needs to knock it off, already. Quit trying so hard to look appealing to others, and instead, become someone who is appealing to YOU! For your damn self.
Learn to be happy on your own, outside of ANY relationship you may have in your life. Never rely on another to make you happy.
Make yourself happy.
Wake up.
awake93 